Coming of Age

We were almost at the front of the ticket line for the movie when my husband started rummaging through his pockets.

“Dave, I have the gift card the kids gave us for the tickets. You don’t need cash.”

“I wasn’t looking for that,” he said as we walked up to the window.

“Two for the 3:15 show, please,” I said.

“Wait, can I get a discount with this?” Dave asked the cashier.

“What’s that?” I asked in horror as I stared at the white and red card my husband had plunked down on the counter.

“That’s only good after 4:00 PM,” the cashier answered.

“Maybe we should wait until the later show,” Dave said.

“What is wrong with you?” I hissed as I snatched the card from the counter. “Don’t pay any attention to him,” I said. “We’ll go with the 3:15 show.” I grabbed the tickets and sprinted away from the window.

“What’s the matter?” Dave asked as he hurried after me.

“What’s the matter? What was that…that…thing you put on the counter?”

“It was my AARP card. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that you have an AARP card. Where did it come from?”

“I sent away for it. In fact, I couldn’t wait to get it. I’ve had my check ready for two years to get this card, but I couldn’t get in until the big 5-0.”

“Couldn’t get in? Are you out of your mind? You do know what AARP stands for, right?”

“Yeah, the American Association of Retired Persons. I still don’t see what the problem is.”

“The problem is that the AARP is for, let me be politically correct here, older people. I am not now nor will I be any time soon, ready to be a member of the AARP.”

“Well, that’s too bad, because spouses are automatically included. You’re in, baby.”

“I don’t want to be in! What reason could you possibly have for wanting to be a card-carrying member of the AARP?”

“There are a million reasons to be a member. I get discounts on car insurance and life insurance. I get monthly bulletins and magazines with information about Medicare and Social Security….”

“We don’t need information about Medicare and Social Security, yet!”

“It’s never too soon to be informed. Membership only costs $12.50 a year, which comes out to less than five cents a day. People don’t realize what a great deal this is. We over fifty-types are a force to be reckoned with. You have no idea of the power we wield. AARP gives us a voice. We’re loud and we’re proud.”

“We’re also nowhere near ready for retirement!” I yelped. “I’m not ready to be married to an AARP member!”

“Listen, you’d better get used to it. Thirty-nine million of us have cards. In fact, I have two cards—one for David M. Bontempo and one for Dave Bontempo.”

“Why do you have two cards?”

“I forgot that I ordered the first one.”

“Well, then maybe you are ready for an AARP card, after all.”

“Hey, there’s no stopping the march of time, so I figure I might as well enjoy it.”

“I know there’s no stopping it, but do you have to speed it up? Next you’ll be telling me we’re going out for the early bird dinner special at 4:30.”

“You know, if I use my card, with the discount we could get Raisinettes and popcorn for the movie.”

I hesitated, but only for a moment. “Fine, use the darn card. Just don’t let anyone see you!”

Raisinettes and popcorn. Even I have my price.

Copyright © 2004. MaryFranBontempo.com

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